Road Bumps

So far, so good. It's been a busy, fun, tiring, exhilirating, relaxing, tasty, frustrating few days. Started off with a delayed plane and a center seat. I was able to change to an aisle (!) and when I boarded the plane, no one was seated next to me on the window(!!). I had two seats, an aisle, and a window all to myself. Awesome. And a word of advice: if you are on a Virgin flight and they ask you your meal choice, don't waiver between chicken or pasta; instead, ask which includes the rich, chocolatey, fudgy brownie. Trust me, you will thank me later.

After a well-slept flight (thanks to Ambien and Lisa), I rushed off the plane. I got a bit of the 9th degree at customs (How are you paying for your trip? Umm...my salary?, Schools in the US are on summer holidays? What...yes. Why does customs always make me nervous?). Eventually, I made it through, got my luggage, and met Anna. Because of my delayed plane, we rushed to the bus station and stepped on the bus literally a minute before he closed the door and drove off! Phew!

Made it to Bath. Had a lovely meal at a lovely restaurant. Except I got fish. It was a very bony fish. Needless to say, eating it was a bit of a task. Next day, Anna and I went on a FREE 2 hour tour. Informative, fun, great overview of Bath. Ate at Jamie's Italian. Anyone who knows me knows who Jamie is. They had carbonara on the menu. Pff...I make that! Did eat the best antipasto plate ever-mozzarella, mortadella, salami, olives. And truffle pasta. I swear, Jamie can do no wrong. The early evening was spent soaking in the rooftop baths, and the underground baths, and sweating in the steam rooms. However, there were these 18 year olds making out the whole time. I saw the boys tongue twice. And I was trying hard to avoid seeing them. Gross. Ended the day with pints and crisps at The Pig and Fiddle, outdoor at picnic tables. If I lived in Bath, this would be my spot. Truly ended the day with chips with cheese from a "taco truck" style auto (except they don't serve tacos, mainly just burgers). Anna and I like to call out "-Insert current city of residence- Kogi" every time we see one.

Ran around Bath the next morning. Most of today was spent in the car. Anna drove, and she has been a quick learner. I clap every time we make it through a round about. However, our two hour trip took about five. Two of those extra hours were spent driving around Oxford. Oxford loves bikes. Oxford likes pedestrians. Oxford hates cars. HATES. Streets are not labeled. And even if they were, they change names after one or two blocks. If you are lucky, they continue beyond one block. Because streets in Oxford like to dead end or close to only pedestrians or bikes. I thought finding a hotel in the city centre was a good idea. It is now we're here. Not so much getting here. Oxford will punish you for having a car. Not only in the form of confusing streets, but financially as well. It cost 22 pounds to park our car somewhat near our hotel. Thank you Oxford. I must say, though, Anna is a star. She has the best attitude ever. I get stressed and try to stay calm, but usually fail miserably. Anna is a rock. A positive rock.

Our hotel is adorable, our room like a little cottage. We saw the "quarter boys" that ding the bell every fifteen minutes on a clock tower. We saw the place where Bloody Mary burned martyrs at the stake. We drank and ate at The Eagle and Child where C.S. Lewis and Tolkien used to hang. We walked and then negated any good that did by eating tasty, creamy homemade ice cream (I told Anna, only eat ice cream from places with a line...this line went out the door). And the sunset was beautiful.

Sorry this reads a bit like a list. I promise once I get to London my prose will be more polished. Or maybe as my trip goes on I'll be more concise. Loads of love to all.

only time will tell

So I stumbled across this comic online at xkcd.com. There's some great stuff on the site if you have a few minutes to kill, but this one stuck out to me as super appropriate to the crazy world of dating and relationships.

the bar series

I
He could fly away from here:
Away from the endless drinks,
The pumping bass,
The incessant small talk.
He could be happy somewhere else.
Peaceful.
But night after night
He returns.
And hopes what?
That here,
Amidst the noise and hectic chaos,
He'll find his peace?
Oh no.
Not here.
This is a false promise
Full of empty desire
And hollow hope.
No.
He will construct his wings and take flight.
He will find his inspiration
Among the clouds and stars,
Where dreams are sent.

II
She could listen to the words sung
Of love and heartbreak
And she'd try and remove herself,
Detach herself from reality.
But the resonation was too true.
And in the middle of the room,
Packed with strangers, and a few she knew,
She wondered if she would stand
Alone forever,
Her only support
The sticky banister,
Her only fill,
The remnants of an Indian dinner.
She wondered if she could be
Happy in this.
If this could be enough.

The Study of Dating

Who's your Daddy?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/02/11/lw.programmed.to.marry.parents/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

and

Money vs. Man?
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/12/fashion/12dating.html?_r=1

Happy Reading!

A Good Holiday For Music

Ah, St. Valentine's Day. What I like about it: chocolate, flowers, love, valentines, cinnamon candy hearts, champagne. What I don't like about it: crowds, expensive prix fixe dinners, feeling more single than usual. Either way, here is my homage to the day of love. My Valentine's playlist: Love, Loss, and Longing. (A little something for everyone.)

LOVE LOSS LONGING

She’s Mine – Brett Dennen
Brand New Start – Little Joy
My Love (Siik Let Go Remix) – Justin Timberlake
Crack the Shutters - Snow Patrol
Everyday – Vetiver
Sleepy Tigers – Her Space Holiday
Feel.Love.Thinking.Of – Faunts

Let’s Get Lost ~ Elliott Smith
I Tried ~ Matt Costa
White Horse ~ Taylor Swift
Try Again ~ Keane
Tiny Vessels ~ Death Cab for Cutie
A Falling Through - Ray La Montagne
You’re A Cad - The Bird and the Bee

Littlest Things ~ Lily Allen
My Stupid Mouth ~ John Mayer
Dropped – Phantom Planet
Extra Special Guy - Gomez
Tired of Being Alone – Al Green
I Don’t Know – Lisa Hannigan


You can listen to most of the songs at this link http://www.playlist.com/playlist/15078667787

There are 3 songs missing (not available on playlist.com): from the LOVE section Feel.Love.Thinking.Of by Faunts, from the LOSS section You're A Cad by The Bird and the Bee, and from the LONGING section Extra Special Guy by Gomez.

Love to all! xxx

I am not invinsible

Funny how some things sort of catch you off guard. You're going along, living your life, and--kerplunk--down drops some obstacle you never expected to appear. Usually, for me, it seems to be some weird health problem that usually only happens to old people: pleurisy, fractured ribs, bronchial infections. The latest one, though, caught me a bit off guard. In late December, this weird rash appeared on my chest, face, and back. It wasn't going away, so I decided to take a trip to my dermatologist. She diagnosed me with pityriasis rosea. It is rare to appear on your face, but this is me, so...While there, I asked her to check out a mole on my right calf. She said it looked fine, but would remove it as a precaution. In. Out. Done. Five days later I got a phone call from my dermatologist telling me the mole was melanoma. I had a little bit of cancer.

Yesterday I went back to remove some of the additional area around where the mole had been. I got a little nervous lying on the paper covered table. A few shots, cuts, stitches, and bandages later, I walked out of the office. I was feeling fine last night. It was uncomfortable, but not too painful. I could walk pretty normally. This morning I woke up and climbed out of bed. My leg hurt pretty bad. So now I am stuck hobbling around. It's kind of tough to teach. My students are calling me Miss Wobbly and like to imitate my limp. They all wanted to hear the story, see the wound. I go back in two weeks to get the stitches removed.

I am not really scared. The survival rate is over 95%. My dermatologist said I caught it really early. But it's weird how something like this can make your realize that you are indeed human. A little part of me always thinks, I take care of myself, eat well, exercise, wear sunscreen, don't smoke, I should be fine. But even trying my best, there are some things that just happen. You just gotta climb over that little bump in the road, and keep moving forward.

In My Head

Sometimes I like to consider different fantasy scenarios in my head. For example, I used to read through my InStyle Magazine and imagine what I would say if they interviewed me to find out what was in my makeup bag. Why InStyle hasn't called me up to ask is beyond me (what? they only want to interview celebrities for that feature?). A couple months ago, while driving with my sisters a music topic came up: if you could be any musical performer alive today, who would you be? Now, this was a bit of a struggle for me. My musical taste is eclectic: from indie rock, to electronica, and hip hop to the poppiest of pop (see post on Taylor Swift). I'm also very much a girly girl. I have no desire to prance around in jeweled lingerie like Britney (everyone heaves a sigh of relief), but I don't want to be a complete hipster, thrift-store wearing rocker chick either. So I threw out Kylie Minogue as my choice: a little older, a little classier, but still very much a popstar. My younger sister, Patty, wasn't convinced. And to be honest neither was I. This morning, while driving to work, I discovered the answer to this question. And it is the right one, I just didn't know it at the time. My choice: Inara George from The Bird and the Bee. Rolling Stone describes the music as, "Greg Kurstin (`bee') and Inara George (`bird') mak[ing] syncopated danceable pop that sounds like audible sunshine." Seriously. You can read this description and know this is the music I would be making if I could. That said, go buy this album now. Or let me know and I'll burn you a copy. It sounds as if I took all my favorite albums and stirred them together into a magical musical soup. It is music to dance to, clean to, drive to, bathe to, cook to. I honestly cannot think of anything I would not want to do without these wonderful little songs drifting through the air.

I'm A Night Owl

Mornings aren't really my thing. Most days, my reluctance to pull myself from my cozy bed means I'm left dashing out the door for work, wearing an ugly outfit, my hair in a ponytail, and a packet of instant oatmeal in my purse (to be consumed during first period) . This morning I was able to get my act together a bit more. I had to, really. It was my friend-coworker's birthday and it was my job to bring "birthday Starbucks" for everyone. After ordering my coffees, I stood chatting with the barista as he made my four drinks. Another customer came up and stood near me. "Whatcha got there?" he asks, eyeing my crate of beverages. "Oh. I bunch of stuff. It's my coworkers birthday, so I'm bringing coffee," I babble on. He proceeds to inquire about what I do and where I work. Eventually he gets to the key question: "So where you going for happy hour tonight?" At this point I realize, oh(!), he's not just being friendly, he's hitting on me. At a Starbucks. At 7:00 in the morning. I tell him we are going to Irvine to Dave and Busters (phew...all the way in Orange County!) But he wasn't done. "So if I come to Irvine tonight can I buy you a drink?" After my uncomfortable laugh, I answer something like, "Uh, sure. Can't turn down a free drink." Luckily, my order was complete at this point. I grabbed my drinks and headed out. "I'm Carlos," he said, as I smiled goodbye and walked away.

Which leads me to ask, is there such a thing as being hit on too early in the morning? I think yes. Especially before I've had my coffee.

Stuck in the Middle

I had a realization last night that my job as a middle school teacher may be rubbing off on me. Here's why. A list of a few of my current favorite things.

1) I am currently reading through the Twilight series. I am about to begin the final book, Breaking Dawn. I saw the movie. I <3 Edward Cullen.


2) I am slightly obsessed with Taylor Swift's album. I did not buy it. It was given to me. But I cannot stop listening to it.


3) My favorite TV shows include Gossip Girl and The Hills.


I am embarrassed and ashamed. I guess it's a good thing I'm not an elementary school teacher. Then I'd be crazy for the Jonas Brothers.

love it

If there's one thing I love, love, love, it's music. I could spend hours wandering the aisles of CDs at Borders. I write down names of songs and bands I hear and like in my little notebook. Attending concerts is high on my list of favorite things to do. It is for this reason that I love the Special MP3 Deals on Amazon.com. Right now they have 50 albums for $5 each, including new Coldplay, Death Cab, Beck, and many, many more. The Deal of the Day is even better. Currently it's T.I.'s new album (ehh), but I got new Keane for $1.99 and the new Snow Patrol for $2.99. That means for less than my Gingerbread (sorry...Gingersnap) latte at Starbucks, I can have hours of listening enjoyment. For once, Apple has been trumped.

Change is Coming?

Tuesday night was a memorable one, one of those "this is what life's all about" evenings. I am so thrilled that Obama is going to be our new President. I am hopeful that he can bring change and re-energize our country. It so needs a boost. Between war, environment, and economic crisis, we need a leader who has a fresh vision, charisma, and intelligence. I think Obama is that individual. Add to this the monumental, history-making fact that Obama will be our first African-American President! Indeed, change isn't coming...it's already here!

So Tuesday night, after devouring fish tacos with my girls, we headed to Vinoteca for a drink. Absent was the usual chatter of people talking as they sipped their Cabs and Pinots. Instead, we all sat staring at the television, listening intently to our future President. I got chills. I was filled with hope. I made a new friend who is going to mail me an audio copy of Dreams of My Father. She was one of those women with an amazing life story who are so engrossing and interesting to talk to. I talked politics with my girls. I look forward to one day telling my children (if I have them, otherwise my nieces and nephews...if I have them) about where I was and what my night was like the night Obama was elected.

missed opportunity

Sometimes life is full of opportunity. While Jessie and Jo headed out of town to test their endurance and strength in a triathlon, Cara and I packed our overnight bags and took the opportunity to partake in a couple days of fun and relaxation in Santa Monica. To say the weekend was perfect would be an understatement. One thing that Cara and I share is an appreciation for good food. Burgers, beer, and sweet potato fries at Father’s Office, Italian coffee and pastries at Caffe Luxxe, wine and dessert at Bodega, paninis on Main. We also spent the weekend coveting items in various retail locations: dresses in Anthropolgie, shoes in Steve Madden, coats in Club Monaco, everything in Zara. And what perfect weekend would be complete without the perfect movie? The Science of Sleep was everything it should be: creative, beautiful, well-acted, funny, sad, introspective. And the company found in our favorite Santa Monica resident, Lisa K, was superb.

The story of the weekend, however, occured during our final minutes in Santa Monica. Cara and I had spent a few minutes sitting on the beach, enjoying the people, the sun, the waves, the little shells scattered in the sand. We wanted a picture. Usually asking someone to take a photo is not that big of a deal. However, the camera in our possession happened to be Cara’s vintage polaroid. A black, mammoth of a camera...a far cry from the tiny, compact, silver digital variety people are accustomed to today. We asked a lady on the beach, who snapped it before either of us was really ready. Soon it was time to return to the car. Our meter was going to expire.

As we headed up the beach toward the parking, Cara and I chatted about future weddings. Who knows how it came up, but Cara was sharing her idea of an old photo booth at the reception, and old polaroid cameras on the tables. As we approached the bike path we decided to take one final picture and looked around for someone to take it. I saw a man with a shaved head and aviator sunglasses walking towards us. I reached for the camera, and turned to wait for him to approach, but he had already arrived in our path. Cara grabbed the camera, held it out, and asked the man if he could take our picture. As soon as the tall, board short clad man opened his mouth Cara and I could not stop smiling. He had a British accent! Now anyone who knows me, knows I am a fan of the British. But Cara for one, puts me to shame in that category. Now, as if the accent weren’t enough, the good-looking guy starts exclaiming how great the camera is. He was thrilled and excited. As Cara and I stepped back, smiling from ear to ear, he snapped the picture. He handed the camera back to Cara and walked away.

As soon as he was a few steps away, I turned to Cara and said, “You need to give him your number. Get a pen, write your number on this polaroid, and give it to him.” Cara refused. I insisted. She was too embarrassed. I asked her what she had to lose. He was cute, British, loved her camera. And weren’t we just talking about polaroid cameras at her wedding? It felt like a sign. I had almost convinced Cara to go after him. Unfortunately, mystery-Brit happened to be the fastest walker in the history of the world. He was already a speck in the horizon. But I knew this was fate. I was determined for this man to have Cara’s number. So we got in my car and drove down every side street along the beach trying to find him. After we ended up on PCH, headed toward Malibu, I decided it was a lost cause. This fairy tale, unfortunately, does not have a happy ending.

One last part of our weekend. Driving home, Cara and I were giddy from too much fun. We went back in time to the days of childhood when tunnels meant wishes if you held your finger on a screw and held your breath. As we drove through the tunnels on the 110, holding our breaths, fingers pressed to the shiny metal (driving slowly in traffic no less), and wishing, I realized I had ruined my wish. Somehow, with the breath holding, the driving, the traffic, the tunnel, I’d forgotton the essential ingredient: the wish. I guess that makes a missed opportunity for me and Cara.

questions

I have reached a point in life where I realize how many unanswered questions I have floating around in my head. It's odd how for so many years I just believed and accepted things. Not blindly, perhaps, but I never probed or challenged my views, or those held by others. I believed what sounded right, what made sense, but there was never really any depth involved. And then, less than a year ago, I was having a conversation with a friend as I walked on the beach. The conversation began as many single, 25 year old, female conversations begin: on the topic of guys. We talked about Christian individuals dating non-Christians, something I was (am?) against based largely on the fact that I'd been taught since a young age not to be "unequally yoked". This topic eventually evolved into a discussion of our core beliefs as Christians and why we believed what we did.

Since that day on the beach, I've felt as though a veil has been lifted from my eyes. Or perhaps the reality is that the veil has been added; things that once appeared so clear are foggy and gray. Now my mind is filled with questions, questions, questions. War, love, environment, marriage, family, heaven, hell, sin, death, dating. So many things I do not understand. Although these questions can be frustrating, I find it all rather exciting. I am so thankful to be able to ask questions and seek answers. I am so glad that I didn't go through my whole life believing something just because it's what I always heard. Now I can take ownership for what I think and believe. God created intelligent human beings, so shouldn't we be utilizing those God-given brains? I find myself reading the Bible, and other Christian writings, with interest, digging for truth. I listen intently to sermons at church in order to learn, grow, and challenge. I talk with my friends about what I believe, what I have believed, and what I should believe. I want to always be asking questions. I want to always be learning more about this world I live in, the people I interact with, the God I believe in. So tonight, I am thankful for questions and hopeful (and intentionally searching) for answers.

Moving

As I reflect over my last school year, I must say I am quite pleased with how it all turned out. I feel like I really connected with my students and I am happy with the direction the curriculum is going. I enjoy my coworkers and, with my ipod, I don't usually mind the commute. I have been looking forward to a nice relaxing summer, but so far it's been anything but that. Right now I feel incredibly stressed. I'm moving. I was given less than a week's notice. I have a lot of stuff. I don't have enough boxes. Everyone is REALLY busy right now, so for the most party I'm left to fend for myself. The thing is, I'm not a good packer. I don't have that inherent ability to know what goes where. I don't have follow through. I begin packing the kitchen and end up in my closet with my clothes. I honestly feel so overwhelmed by the task in front of me. I spent the bulk of my day packing, taking breaks to read every now and then. I'm going to have to really buckle down tomorrow so I'm ready for moving day on Monday. To add to the horror of it all, I feel sick. Sore throat, cough, achy. Sick and moving. This was most certainly not what I was anticipating as I counted down my school days.

untitled

So much to write, not enough time to write it in. I need to head off to Bible Study right now. It will be nice--coffee, pastry of some sort, prayer, friends, devotions. I am looking forward to it, really. I just wish I had an extra half hour BEFORE it started so that I can jot down a few things here first. Oh well.

Work is good. It's state testing time...two weeks where I feel really bad for the kids and hope and pray that I taught them everything they need to know to do well. I had an end of the year meeting with my principal today. It was nice. My students make me laugh.

Friends are good. I haven't seen as much of them as I'd like, but I guess I'll make it.

Marriage is good. I went to my friend's wedding in San Francisco this weekend. Sunny, blue day in Golden Gate Park. Turtles and ducks. It's nice to see the beginning of marriage. It gives me hope. Love is an amazing, incredible thing. Plus I got to stay in a gorgeous hotel.

God is good. His faithfulness amazes me everyday. Jesus brings a depth and passion to my life that I would sorely miss if he weren't in it.

Shopping is good. I went to H&M and bought cute stuff. I kamikaze shopped. It was sort of fun. I also got a new 12 inch nonstick, oven-safe skillet. It makes me happy to think of the possibilities.

Life is good.

i'm expecting

I have a really difficult time with disappointment. If I am excited and anticipating something, and my expectations are not met, it tends to really bum me out. This is true of many things. Movies, books. It is tough when I am looking forward to an event or experience and it falls short of my expectations. The worst, though, is when people disappoint. Of course, I am to blame for this. I know that no one is perfect. It's not fair of me to expect people to be anything that they are not, or cannot be. So i'm working on this and dealing with it. And hopefully I will expect reality and not perfection.

time keeps on ticking (ticking)

I actually have time right now. It's amazing. Incredible, really. I've been so busy for so long and now I have time to just be. Yesterday I went to spin class. Today I am at Swork checking emails and such. Free time is an amazing thing. But I feel this incredible tension between wanting to appreciate and enjoy the peace, and feeling like I ought to be doing something. So there's anxiousness in the calm.

Pretty soon I will be 26. I'm not sure how I'm going to celebrate. I kind of feel like sticking my fingers in my ears and "la la la-ing" the day away. It seems old. I should be writing or creating. Mothering or married. Why is there such pressure to grow up? I think I understand the story of Peter Pan better now then I did at 6. Why are we always so busy looking around the corner? I so want to appreciate what is right here in front of me. I want to grab the now and hold onto it. Squeeze every bit of life out of it. I want to enjoy being single and unattached. Sometimes it can be depressing or lonely, but it can also be exciting and surprising. I want, somehow to find a balance. Sometimes life can be messy. We hurt people. People hurt us. We care too much or not enough. But we can feel and we can love and we can experience. So maybe I should be excited about getting older. Refuse to be cynical or pessimistic. I will do my best.

a couple things i've been thinking about

Number one. Boys. Relationships. Dating. I'm single and 25 years old, so obviously this is something discussed among my friends and I quite often. I just don't understand why it has to be so complicated. Why aren't people just honest with one another. If a guy is in a relationship, shouldn't he share that information? When I tell someone I'm going to call them, I actually call them! What makes a girl marriage material, but not dateable? Why are Christian guys so unable to initiate anything?

Which leads me to number two. I am quite sure that my earlier insecurities about myself are somewhat rooted in the fact that no guys ever asked me out. My confidence level was at about a zero. I think church boys have somehow been programmed to believe that asking a girl you don't know very well out is a bad idea. Dating leads to bad things. Instead the friend to relationship model is always presented. This is dumb. I think that if you like someone, if you are attracted, interested, whatever...ask them out. So I didn't date. So when guys started asking me out, I was shocked. I am still surprised when some attractive guys wants to go out with ME.

Number three. I am trying to figure out how I can make a career out of making mix CDs. If anyone has suggestions or knows of any job openings in this "field," please let me know.

Number four. Bowling, beer, karaoke, friends, dancing, and breaking 100 for the first time add up to a really, really good Friday night.

Everyone should go buy the book Velvet Elvis. It's really good. (Thanks Jo).

I hope this didn't come off as needy. I am really really happy with my life right now. I was driving in my car today, sun out, windows down, music on, and I just had to smile because I was so happy. So please don't post a comment about how someday I'll meet the perfect guy, because I'm really not fishing for that here. Now I sound mean. I can't win...

burn out

So I'm realizing I may be doing too much. I don't really like sitting around all that much, but I think sitting around every once in a while is probably healthy. Healthy is not a word that I could use to describe myself right now. I took Wednesday off from work because I was achy and had a bad cough. I slept and slept and watched DVDs, ate soup, and drank an obscene amount of water. I felt a lot better the next day. Of course, rather than deciding to take it easy for a few days, I went out the very next night with friends. Then, after 4 hours of sleep and a day at work, I had 18 people over for a St. Patrick's Day dinner party. Taking it easy is apparently a foreign concept to me. So today I am trying to rest. I slept as long as I wanted and had breakfast with the girls.

But it's weird. Things that I want to do to be healthy (spin, physical therapy, cooking real food, bible study, church) take time. So many of my afternoons are devoted to this "healthy" lifestyle, that I feel a bit ragged by the end of the week. It's somewhat of a catch-22 really. Where's the balance?

giving up

One of my co-workers gives up soda every year for Lent. For her, this is a difficult task because she drinks multiple sodas each day. This got me thinking about what I would be willing to sacrifice for 40 days. I have participated in Lent in the past. One year I gave up all sweets and another time I gave up speeding (a particularly difficult thing to do while living in L.A.). During this thinking process, I realized something: I have a lot of things that I'm "addicted" to. Here is a current list of things I would have a really difficult time giving up: morning coffee, my cell phone, weekend breakfasts with the girls, good music, oatmeal, Rosebud Salve, and Thursday nights at Bodega.

Now, if I were REALLY spiritual, I would look at that list and choose something to give up for Lent. On Friday, I had decided on chocolate. That lasted about one hour. What can I say? I guess I'm just not a quitter.